Know each other’s love languages

Last week, hubby expressed his concern to me, telling me that I’ve been fixated with my blog. At first I didn’t get it. What’s the concern about when I always give my undivided attention to him and to our little girl?

As I do my self-reflection, I recounted that there’s no project of his which I didn’t take time to look at and comment on. There’s no story of his, no matter how trivial, which I didn’t listen to. So I thought long and hard, to find the area where I am lacking.

In my mind, I even accused him of being too clingy which was starting to irritate me. Until I had a eureka moment, “ahhhh… it’s cuddle time.” I’m falling short on the physical affection department.

And incidentally, this was also our topic during our couples caring group. It helps a lot to be reminded on these things.

What is love language about?

Imagine a Japanese and Chinese trying to communicate to each other where neither of them knows how to speak the other’s language. The former speaking in Nihonggo and the latter in Mandarin. What would be their conversation like?

They may keep on rambling words but there’s no message coming across as they don’t understand each other. The process just makes them grow frustrated and disappointed. And a point will come that they will get tired and eventually give up trying.

It’s the same with love. If you don’t speak your loved one’s language, he won’t understand it. He may know you love him at a head level, but it won’t pass through his heart. He may know it but he won’t feel it.

This is where the popular line comes in, “I know s/he loves me, but I just don’t feel it.”

Love language does not apply only in marriages, but also to parent-children relationships and among friends as well. It’s applicable to everyone.

The 5 Love Languages

The love languages was popularized by relationship expert Gary Chapman.

1. Acts of Service

I so appreciate it when hubby volunteered to be in charge of washing our dirty laundry. Even though he uses an automatic machine, I’m still thankful that he did, at least my responsibilities lightened.

Sometimes, when I am breastfeeding Yesha and it’s time to cook for lunch, he would take the initiative to cook for us. These moments make me feel that he really care for me.

2. Physical Touch

This is one of hubby’s top two love languages. When Yesha was born, I don’t know why my surprised hugs and kisses lessened. And by what I shared, he is unconsciously longing for it again.

And to me, it will require a conscious effort because I’m not touchy anymore. But this is how he feels loved and I’m gonna make an effort to speak his language.

3. Affirmation

Every time one of us does something for the other, we express our gratitude. Like when hubby prepares our breakfast, I make it a point to say, “thank you daddy for making our breakfast.” When he dates me, I say “thank you daddy for the date, I enjoyed it.”

Or whenever hubby brings home income for the family, I say “yay! You’re such a good provider!”

One husband in our caring group shared that affirmation serves as his fuel. Whenever he feels affirmed or appreciated by his wife, it surges him to do more and do better.

Sadly, there was one married couple who got through their 30 plus years of marriage, where neither of them showed gratitude nor appreciation for everything they’ve done for each other.

The wife assumed that since their husband-and-wife, it’s already understood. She finished her sharing, but not without shedding tears for their marriage.

4. Giving and Receiving Gifts

In our group meeting, there were two wives who love giving gifts to their husbands. One wife who wanted to give a polo shirt for her partner, scoured the mall up and down in search for that perfect polo shirt ,only to hear from her husband, “Why did you pick this color for me?” Uh oh, so the wife got really sad.

And this same husband shared that he gets grumpy when he wakes up and sees no breakfast on the table.

As you see, they have different love languages, something they both knew that they need to learn to speak.

5. Quality Time

Fortunately, hubby and I share the same first love language. And we are blessed to be able to build our lifestyle around it. Our business and his freelance work are both home based.

 

All of us will be yearning a certain love language at a certain point in our lives. But there is a language that is prevailing in us and in our loved ones. It is important that we learn to speak each other’s language so that the love we’re trying to communicate will  be well received, not only by their minds but by their hearts as well.

As for our family huddle and cuddle time, hubby and I agreed to do it either morning or after work time. It’s really important to meet in the middle. Otherwise the relationship will go stale.

So What About You?

What love language do you love giving and receiving?